Patience

I've learned that no matter how I try to push, God keeps a tight reign on me. When I rebel, God knows how to reel me back in and teach me humility. In life, we face so many obstacles, most of which we create for ourselves when we don't take heed to those red flags, those gut feelings. But, with each experience that we could have avoided, we come to learn a lesson. Some tend to like learning that lesson over and over again. Me? Not so much.

I'm an emotional creature. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I express a lot, sometimes without a filter and I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm okay with that. I won't change that about myself. I'll continue to say what and how I feel, as long as no one gets hurt in the process. Like I do ever so often, I allow my heart to be visited and usually, those visitors stay permanently but sometimes, some leave and aren't invited back. Those are the ones who have made too permanent a mark and the only way to heal that scar is to remove them completely. What I've learned is that one cannot continue to allow people into our lives when we know they won't stay and will leave, taking a little bit of you.

On the other hand, I have to realize that we don't meet people by mistake. Everything and everyone is by design and sent to learn from us or to teach us something. If those lessons are never learned, we continue on this path towards destruction, pain and self hate. We won't ever be able to claim that love of self that we are entitled to and in turn, can't show anyone else love either. How do we fix it all? How do we stop meeting and inviting in the wrong people? How do we fix what should be fixed and let go of what should be let go of? Simple answer.

Wait! Patiently wait! Wait for guidance and the right signs, the ones that make you feel good instead of bad. The signs where your stomach gets butterflies, not knots from anxiety and anguish. Patiently wait and stop searching for what you want. Wait for what God has promised. He hasn't lied to you yet.

1 <3 everyone.

My journey continues. I'm kinda excited :-)

"Rerouting"

I love to reminisce. Who doesn't? You get a chance to replay fond memories in your mind and relish in the past. You relive the moments that made your heart melt: your first love, your best concert, your first big break, your new love, your old love, your first child. All those moments that we go to when we're not in a good place or when we're in a good place but wish it to be better. Memories are fantastic. They're like our little invisible moving-pictures in our heads and hearts that only we can see. Memories are good and all but let me tell you the Dangers of Nostalgia.

I'm a sensitive soul. I've been blessed and burdened with a deep reservoir of emotions and as such, I read like an open book. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I romanticize things I probably should not. I look, always, for the good in people, situations and things. So, when you ask me about my memories, I, like you, tend to remember mostly the good times. Have you ever seen the old movie, "The way we were"? It's the classic tale of love lost due to circumstance. Robert Redford and Barbara Streisand fall in love but are doomed to love each other from afar. Circumstances pull them apart and like many of us, they break up to make up, but one of those break-ups seals the deal. Robert goes off and marries and one day, he sees her across the way and they just stand and stare at each other, romanticizing about the love they had and still have for each other but cannot pursue. How sad, right? Don't we all have that story? The love that we let go or the love that let us go that we wish we could have one more chance at? Aaaaah, sweet Nostalgia!

"Memories, like the corners of my mind. Misty, water-colored memories, of the way we were...." Sweet song, sung by Barbara at the end of the movie that is sure to bring any true romantic to tears. But, that's just what they are....memories and why do we continue to engage in Nostalgia? Well, that's easy. When in pain, we tend to take mental flight to a perceived yesteryear. When things are bad or not as good as we'd like them to be, we tend to go back to the past. But, what we end up doing is painting ourselves a picture of delusional grandeur. Sometimes, when we look back, we rewrite the narrative better than it actually was. Like the movie, "The way we were", we can ask one simple question, "Was it all so simple then or has time rewritten every line?" When we remember the past, often times, we only remember the laughter. We try not to remember the fighting, the pain and the tears.

Why must we hold on to the past instead of holding tight the present that is right here. We lost a love, a job, a moment, an experience, a time but have one right in our grasp but are so busy reminiscing on something that didn't work out for whatever reason and end up losing out on something that could be so great right now. When you hold so tightly to the past, God will allow you to relive them and you'll again see why it is that you let it go in the first place. But, what if things are going badly? How do you deal with a horrible past and a not so great present? I can tell you how. Hold zealously to the promise of a great future. Embrace the possibilities: Jeremiah 29: 5-7, sums it up just nicely. You must learn to seek the city in which you reside instead of seeking peace elsewhere. When you do otherwise, you block your blessings. Be happy where you are and who you're with and put your all into that which is present instead of putting your energy into a past that is gone.

Imagine this. You've rented all your life but dream of owning a home, but you can't even take care of the apartment you live in. You allow it to fall down around you. You don't put up any pictures or even furnish it because you tell yourself this is not where you really want to be. You don't scrub and clean it and you take no pride in it. Why should God trust you with a home?

You're single and dreaming of your groom or bride to be, but you live a single life of shame. You're out partying, getting drunk and carrying yourself in such a way that even if you met your Mrs. Right or Mr. Right, he/she would not even recognize you or even want to know you. How can God trust you with such a wonderful covenant as marriage if you can't/won't take care of the you he's given you?

Learn to take care of what you have now. Take pride in it and God will entrust you with your heart's desires. Zealously embrace the responsibility you have now so that you can zealously embrace the bigger one that is to come. I'm not lying to you. You know I wouldn't ;-)

God said it...."I have a plan for you..." You know the rest.

We get so set in our ways that we allow wonderful things to pass us. The Isrealites prayed for God to take them out of Egypt, out of Pharoah's rule and it took them forty years when it could have been one month. It's about trusting in what you can't see. We call it faith. They wasted all that time looking back to what they were used to, even though what they were used to caused them pain. How often do we do that? It took one day for God to take the Isrealites out of Egypt but 40 years to take Egypt out of the Isrealites. Learn to let go and let God. Learn to let the things of the past remain where they are so that you can give yourself a future well deserved.

If you know me and have had the privilege to drive with me, you know I am directionally challenged to the n'th power. I NEED my GPS. I need my GPS, even if I'm going up the block. Yes, it's that's bad. I depend on it to get me where I need to go. I should wear my glasses when I drive but most times, I don't. I'm stubborn I guess. I would so much easier get to my destinations if I had my GPS and my glasses but I remain stubborn. I travel for work and you can only imagine how used my GPS is as I go state to state.

I know you can relate to this. As we're on our way, with your GPS in full effect, we listen for a while and follow the directions we're being given, just long enough to get comfortable. Then, out of nowhere, we start to see landmarks that we recognize and think we know where we're going and stop listening to the directions of the GPS person. We stop because we see something that looks familiar. We know a shortcut.  I do it all the time. Do you, like me, find that we do this oftentimes when we're in a rush or when we have an important appointment? Why do we do that? Why don't we trust in the 'director' to get us to where we need to go to, especially if it's something that is so important? So, we veer off the path and try to do it alone, only to get lost. The GPS person doesn't get mad. He/she just simply says 'rerouting' and gives us another path to the same destination. But, we veer off again because we see something that looks familiar and get lost, AGAIN! Now, we get frustrated, as if it wasn't our fault in the first place for not following directions. We're late to where we need to be and now angry. But the GPS calmly says, 'rerouting'.

How many times does God reroute us and we still veer off the path? And doesn't he calmly, ALWAYS reroute us back to where he wants us to go? What some of us are looking for is for God to reach over and grab the wheel and drive us there. He never will. He will always give us the freedom of choice, while showing us where we need to be. In life, as you  hold on to the past, God will continue to reroute you. Most of the times, we won't listen and we'll end in heartbreak, disappointment and rejection but as time goes on, as we get wiser through our mistakes, as our hearts get stronger, we'll start to listen. We'll start to follow his direction. We'll stop looking into the past and romanticizing on things/people and situations that are long gone and see, over the mountain top, that future that is so undeniably ours. All we have to do is allow God to reroute us.....and follow him!

God Doesn't Sabotage

You know how you want something so badly that you'll do almost anything to get it? It's like knowing you're going to die and being afraid to breathe, fearing each breath may be your last. I'm listening to Maurette Brown Clark's 'It ain't over' and hey, what can I say? It ain't over till God says it's over, until God says it's done. I'll keep fighting until victory is won.

God's not about sabotage. HE doesn't set you up with something that makes your world turn and then take it away and make you feel like your world has stopped. God doesn't work like that. Some things take work, especially when they seem to come so easily. We just have to figure out which things are God-sent and which are the devil's minions at work. What's scary about that is that while you're in the process of figuring out if this is God's work, God's plan, you have to step out of your comfort zone and reach into a place that makes you unsteady. Nothing worth having comes without work and work means compromising and letting go of some things that have instinctively made you YOU. It's hard; God knows it's hard and it takes you to places you promised not to go. It brings you to the edge of insanity and you have to decide whether to jump or fall back.

What I can tell you is that if you decide to give up, be prepared to deal with those blood coursing feelings that come with it. We call them regret and man, those suckers are no joke. They strip you and leave you exposed to yourself and we all know we can't hide from ourselves. I've tried. Haven't worked yet.

I'm going to face myself and come to terms with the fact that maybe I'm the saboteur. Maybe I'm allowing my fear to feed on my memories and keep them constantly raw, never allowing myself the opportunity to make new, more beautiful ones.

I try; I swear I do but it's obvious that I need some work and I'm so open to receiving that help, making that effort to allow all this love I have inside me to warm instead of cool. Someone deserves all this love and I deserve someone who will love me with playful warmth. This is not Mission Impossible so I'm going to leave the detonators behind, get my harness on and jump.

Job 12:5
Those who are at ease have contempt for misfortune as the fate of those whose feet are slipping.

From the roots to each and every leaf

Has someone every just left you at a loss of words with their words? I love to write and as such, I love to read as well.  Never did I think I'd meet someone who not only wanted to write for me, but could write so well. Aah, sweet bliss. But, for the first time, I'm at a loss of words and experiencing writer's block. But something is screaming inside me to talk about it, to write about it....and so, I'll try.

She's prayed for HIM for so long. She's prayed for him with an unrelenting breath that she thought she'd suffocate and die. She's prayed for him on bended knees that now have a permanent memory of knees to floor. She's prayed for him with tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat. She's prayed for him when in her heart, she knew he didn't exist. She's prayed for him and though she knows she doesn't deserve someone so wonderful, so loving, so sensitive, so confident, so giving, so romantic, she will hold on to him as if her life depends on it....because it does.

Her breath now seems shallow and the beating in her chest so much more urgent. One would compare this to a heart attack, but isn't that what love is? An attack on the heart? Love heightens your senses, sends messages to your brain and pumps hormones through your body, so strong that it feels like your heart will collapse. Isn't that splendid? Isn't that grand? Who doesn't want their heart to be attacked by that kind of love?

She's met him....after countless, unloved years. I know that many have said they've met their soul mate, only to find out it was just one lonely heart reaching out to another.  I know that many have said this is the one, only to find that it was just a momentary lapse of judgement. I know many have said they've found that yin to their yang, only to find out that what you felt was a lust and not a love. When you can truly say you've found love, true love, you're so protective, so scared to share it, that you keep it bottled in, only giving hints here and there so as not to scare yourself into a false realization that it is too good to be true.

But, let me tell you something, it's hard to keep something like that bottled up. It's hard to not want to yell it loud and proud. It's like a seed that was planted, nurtured and loved, as it grows, it's beauty spread to each limb and each and every leaf and without any work, now the entire world can share in its beauty watching it's blossoms open and expose an inside so fragile and so beautiful.

Bamboo Love

Dear God......

If I could hear from the casket, what would they be saying about me?

Death is so final. I get chills when I think about it. It's not that I'm afraid to die (though I don't want to die in certain ways). I know we all will die. I just hate that we don't know when. Actually, I guess that is better, isn't it? If we all knew when we'd die, things would be boring. God's design is such that we must try to live each day as if it were our last because in all reality, it could be. What troubles me is that we refuse to realize this fact, and as such, we allow so much time to pass by without doing things we ought to be doing on a consistent basis: like tell people how we feel, live life to the fullest, love hard and stopping to smell the flowers.

I got a call last night from someone who at one time I considered my sister, my BFF, my 'nothing could come between us' friend. She and I had not spoken in about a year. We had a 'disagreement' and due to pride, I never reached out to her. We'd been friends for fifteen years, sharing in each others' happiness and sadness and it's hard to swallow but I let that all go due to pride. She texted me to tell me a mutual friend had died suddenly. Now, when people say 'suddenly', we take that to mean that they weren't sick and there was no indication that they were going to pass away. Guess what? There never is any indication. NEVER!

Instead of texting her back, I picked up the phone and called her. I didn't even think twice. It was nice to hear her voice, even if it was under those circumstances and it put a lot into perspective for me. Just like that, I could have gotten news that she had died and vice versa. It didn't feel good. In fact, it made me rather sick to know that I could have lost her without even saying I was sorry or "I love you". It hit home hard.

We talked about the death of our friend and all I could keep saying was, 'wow, that doesn't make sense'. Well, guess what! It made perfect sense. We are not promised tomorrow, not one of us are and the sooner we realize that, the better off we'll be, the more we'll enjoy life and the sooner we'll forgive those who wronged us. I know I have and will.

I may not speak to my 'friend' again but I let her know I loved her and that's okay with me. Sometimes, the people you love most are not supposed to be in your life. If they are, they'll end up there....again. So, tell them you love them and let LIFE have control. I hate living with regrets and I have made it a point to try to avoid that at all costs. It's a struggle on a daily basis but what I've learned is that God only gives us what HE knows we can handle. He also assures us that HE is right there beside us to help us through.

What will they say about me when I die? At that point, it won't matter to me, will it? But, I'd like people to say, 'she lived life to the fullest', 'she was a good person', 'she loved openly', 'she (followed by all good things). I'm going to try to do my best in this life. With that in mind, I'm going to continue on loving unconditionally, forgiving quickly and living like I'm dying, because guess what?! I am. We all are.

1 Love all-I mean that ;-)


John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”

Felt like no time at all had passed

It's crazy how when you get in the company of people you haven't seen in eons how it feels so comfortable, so right. I guess that's how friendship works. You just gel. You just fill in the gaps. We couldn't stop hugging each other. Twenty plus years had passed and thank goodness for FaceBook, I've been in contact with these two ladies for the last year or so. So, let's do the math. Technically, I have been out of contact with them for nineteen + years and physical contact for more than twenty.


Well, fate brought us together this past week and I have to tell you, it felt great. I happened to be in Florida for one day, only one day and I wish it were longer. After high school, I had to leave for the states. I lost touch with everyone. I do mean everyone and over the years, we all grew up and went on with our lives. As fate, love and friendship would have it, we found each other again and have been keeping in touch via social networking. Some may say FaceBook isn't all that, but I must tell you that FaceBook has taken me on fantastic journeys into memory lane.

I saw my two girls, now women and the genuine emotions were so strong and so lovely. Though our time was short, the love will live on in infamy for another  twenty years. I'm just going to have to make sure we don't allow too much time to pass before our next reunion.

God is good.....all the time.


Love you ladies <3

You know I do.

A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. Arnold H. Glasow 

It's like I tripped and fell right into RIGHT!

So, God still has a crazy sense of humor. Just when you think you've got it all figured out, HE gives you a 'self check'. But, you know what, we all need that every now and then, just to remind us of who's really in charge, who's really running the show. Nothing is by mistake. Everything is by design and once we accept that, we can embrace the happiness that HE has set just for us. I know I am. I'm going to give it a full 100%.

I never did see Julia Roberts' "Eat, Pray, Love" movie but I get the premise. I want my own story. I've been stuck in limbo for so long and I'm ready to get out of it and claim my victory. Trouble is, I thought I'd be able to do that without truly trusting God to guide me. My pastor at THE best church in Atlanta said it best today (September 23, 2012). He said we should treat life like the Trapeze artists at the circus. There are two roles. The catcher and the flyer. The job of the flyer is to fly. Nothing else. The job of the catcher is to catch. God is our catcher and in life, we try to adjust mid-flight, redesigning God's plan and it is always to our detriment. What we need to do is relax, let go and let God catch us.....because he always will. I'm ready to fly and let God catch me. I'm ready to claim my victory and my blessings.

My sister from the real Mister. I love this chick

My journey starts now, with the help of the best friend a girl could ever have. She saw things I didn't, said things I couldn't and loved me when I wouldn't. And, for that, I adore her and always will. I'm going to take you on my journey towards unrelenting happiness, unbridled passion for myself and God and a recognition of how love and life are really supposed to be. I intend on finding things out about myself that I have been too scared to take a peek at and will challenge myself in ways that only few even think of.

So, let's set sail together and let's see how I will EAT (less), PRAY (more), LOVE (openly) and LIVE (abundantly). I'm excited. Thanks for coming along with me ;-)

“Life is a journey, not a destination…” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson